unsuccessful self-solace strain... "Endure!"

(a.k.a. failed self-pity struggle) also entitled "wallowing"

My bad days are... bad. And a waste, to say the least. Idiotic self-pity which stems only from thinking on falsehood, i.e. non-truths. I completely, willingly gave in to heart-sin (in other lingo, also known as "pouting") last night.

Satan uses anything to destroy. Satan whispers lies in my ear. I eventually believe, taking my eyes off Truth. Satan presents an all-you-can-eat buffet of self-pity. I gorge myself. When I sadly, ashamedly turn my eyes to get a glimpse of the Savior, Satan laughs. I doubt the all-sufficient grace of God.

And I find myself sitting in a pit that I dug, whether or not the tools were given to me by the Evil One.

And I think to myself, "How can people live like this?"

And then I think to myself, "How can I live like this ...after knowing Him who alone is Light, Love, and Life?"

Again Satan laughs at my doubt, my self-will, my pride. He loves it. Not because he loves me but because he hates glory to the Most High God, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, Jesus.

Jesus... who sacrificed everything, who taught valiantly, who loved eternally, and who forever defeated Satan through the power of His resurrection.

"My grace is sufficient for you," the God of glory whispered to me, without a trace of venom. God asked me to look at Him. He waited. Then He asked me again. Is all this grace, day after day after day possible? Does His love never let up? And my loving, gracious heavenly Father, whom I have fallen in love with no matter how imperfectly, in the most gentle, compassionate, love-pleading way said, "Endure. ...Endure."