Eng. Lit. response paper - 02/17/03

Our lives can be summed up in one word: mutability. That is exactly what Shelley writes his poem on - a small summary of what life is like.

It is the same! - For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free;
Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability.

To be mutable is to be changeable, variable, fluctuating and inconsistent. Isn't that exactly what life is like when we stop and think about it? The reason that I selected this passage is because it is overwhelmingly full of truth. This particular stanza says that although all the days are filled with joys and sorrow they are all different. Everyone has different kinds of things that make you happy and different kinds of things that make you sad, but you will never have two of the exact same day. The only thing in life that will not change is change itself.

Something that stirred up my thoughts in this passage was how sometimes I go through a day and by the time I wake up the next morning and think about what the past twenty four hours has held for me, it seems wasted, futile; and I will never gain it back. If Shelley thought that in his society and day things were always changing, what would he think to live in the United States today? We are so quick about our business that we don't even realize we are quick. We don't take time to step back and evaluate that there is joy and sorrow and every day holds something different and unexpected. At least Shelley has the logic to slow down and take a step back and examine what life is really like. Sure this poem reminds me of microwaves, instant messengers, and cell phones, but it also reminds me of my homework. I am so "rushed" to do my homework because I supposedly have so many other things to accomplish that it seems as though sometimes I forget to learn. We're hardly very knowledgeable in this day and age; we've simply learned to think quickly and memorize. How sad! I remember answering a question for Biblical Fundamentals last year that asked about our academic standings and goals and so forth. I remember writing that I wanted to learn, learning so that I know, not just so that I will get good grades was my goal. I want to know things so that even though the world may change I will build up my knowledge and know truth and fact and wisdom.

Change is inevitable. It is and always has been a part of human life. "Mutability" reminded me of the verse in James 4:14 that states, "For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." We need to be so careful that our days are not wasted. In the entire realm of humanity change includes new people being born and old people dying. I'm going to die (unless Jesus comes back). That is for sure a change, for me, my family, my friends, and everyone else I encounter in life. And yet the same joys and the same sorrows will continue throughout people's lives. Perhaps we should be like Shelley and examine what reality is really like sometime. If we don't examine life at all, we'll be gone before we know it.

English Literature response paper - 04/02/03

Perhaps Emily Bronte is correct in her poem "I'm Happiest When Most Away." Perhaps true contentment for a woman lies beyond her existence to her family or to her husband, but I would go a step further and say that true contentment for all human beings lies beyond their mortal lives.

I'm happiest when most away
I can bear my soul from its home of clay
On a windy night when the moon is bright
And the eye can wander through worlds of light
When I am not and none beside
Nor earth nor sea nor cloudless sky
But only spirit wandering wide
Through infinite immensity.

Whether or not this poem is talking about day dreaming or watching a night sky, it simply talks about the mind wandering to new places, seemingly unreachable places. Let me think about my life and "bear my soul." Instead of looking at my life here on earth, let me look at the sky so my "eye can wander through worlds of light." If this is the only way to experience something new then let my "spirit [wander] wide through infinite immensity."

Everyone knows that littler girls are supposed to dream about their wedding day - what color bridesmaids dresses will be, who will be their bridesmaids, and of course which of the princes from all of the Disney movies will be their groom. Being a female has made it seem that I'm almost given the "right" to dream, to day dream, to open up my soul and think of things beyond. I thought by the time I went into junior high my day dreaming of my life to come would stop, but it didn't. It didn't stop in high school and it hasn't even begun to stop in college. In fact, I think it's gotten worse (probably) as the time draws closer. In fact, The Master's College community is very encouraging in the hopes to find a husband who plays the guitar and wants to be a youth pastor. So is that the daydream or the "wandering wide" spirit in Emily Bronte's poem? I don't think so. That hope, seemingly, is like every other girl's dream here at TMC. This poem is not about the people that want what everybody else assumes they will eventually get or is in the process of getting or already does have. There is something beyond that simplistic life. Let me "bear my soul from its home of clay." I don't want to be like everybody else. I want to be different. Perhaps, I won't go to the extreme that I don't want to ever get married or anything horrendous like that, however I don't want to marry a pastor and I don't want to get married right out of college and I don't want to be a house wife and raise four children. I believe I'm looking from the outside, hoping that I will never have to bear my soul elsewhere, dreaming about a different kind of life.

Just as we sometimes hear that if humans were all the same then the world would be boring, if our lives were all the same we would all want to get out of here. Most of the Victorian women led the same casual lifestyles. How boring is that? I would take it a step further though, and say that men feel exactly the same way. Don't most men work and provide income for their family household? Don't they ever want to "bear their soul" and let their "spirit [wander] wide through infinite immensity"? Yes, I'm sure they do. Of course, from a Christian perspective, the only life someone could live and be content would be a life indwelled by the Holy Spirit of the Living God. And yet, at the same time still, I think you still need times to "bear your soul", but in life with Him, He is exactly who you would bear your soul to.

my life right now

"O ye of little faith, why did you doubt?" - Jesus

i'm not exactly doing well. do i blog about that or what?

dying!!!

rejoice always? he said it again, rejoice!

man, i'm sick. different symptoms rolling and changing every three days since wednesday oct. 28th. this is getting ridiculous. the last two days i've had a sore on my tonsil which is killing me and putting tons of pressure on my left ear, you know how that goes? i'm just sick of not feeling well.

*sigh*

i know i don't come close to most people in this world's pain and suffering.

but i do have to admit that i thought of job yesterday. i was thinking about all those things that have seemed to completely gone out of my life (see the post on oct. 22nd entitled these days, His ways) in the last few months. things that i loved and are good things - yes? - and things that even assist in my relationship with the God of the universe through Jesus - surely! so do i ask, "why, God, have you seemingly taken these good things?" ...no. that is not faith. we know the promises of His Word. we know He does not withhold any good thing. so we praise Him and trust Him in the midst of the circumstances and life-changes. ...and what about now? a week and a half of illness, again certainly not as horrible as job but very uncomfortable nonetheless, right after getting offered a job. do i ask Him why? do i get angry and allow satan's plan to edge its way into my heart producing nothing but self-pity and sin? or is it "turn your eyes upon Jesus/look full in His wonderful face/and the things of earth will grow strangely dim/in the light of His glory and grace."

from a man changed by God

"A truly balanced person retains a capacity for wonder and the willingness to express it in the very confession of a creaturehood, the spontanous acknowledgment that he is a human being and not a god, a being with limitations who, far from having embraced infinity, is happily and hopelessly engulfed by it." - Brennan Manning

recommendations

The God I Love: A Lifetime of Walking with Jesus - A Memoir by Joni Eareckson Tada
This was another book that I had attempted to read at earlier stages of my life yet could never "get into." This time, it was different - who knows why. I could hardly put it down. It reads very much like a novel. Tada's vivid remembrances not only tied me into her life but also reminded me of my own. There were more than a few poignant times when I could hardly keep reading out of sheer shock that rose from similarities. These were usually emotions, thoughts, and particularly conversations with the Almighty that we've both had throughout our lives. So it became not only the God that Joni loves but the God that Katie loves as well. An encouragement from another member of the cloud.

The Purple Rose of Cairo (movie)
Don't let the stamp of Woody Allen turn you off. I watched this during my film class in college. I thought it was great then and I still think it's great now. Forcing my mom to watch it the other night brought on laughter for me and rolls-of-the-eyes for her. If you like wit and hilarity with enough to get you thinking about reality by the end, watch it.

Elisabeth Elliot books
Just finishing a short book of essays entitled Love Has A Price Tag. When I was younger, I held everything she had to say as Scripture, practically. But my eyes have been open to more peoples and beliefs, as well as to more of God Himself (praise Him!) I still thoroughly enjoy E.E. books, just with a better perspective now. God's work in her heart, more than just in her life circumstances, encourages and exhorts me. I always laugh with her and think with her. She does make me want to know my Savior more, whether or not I agree with everything she says. Other books I've read: A Chance to Die (the Amy Carmichael biography talked about in a few posts below), Through Gates of Splendor (a must-read missionary biography for anyone), Shadow the Almighty (a fantastic look at one that was changed by the unchangeable One), Passion and Purity, Quest for Love, Let Me Be A Woman, The Path of Loneliness, The Mark of a Man, and my personal favorite Secure in the Everlasting Arms.

The Lord of the Rings (movie)
Watched all three in less than 24 hours. Still has enough to emit huge emotive responses out of me. Tolkien (still the creator of the story) did what he wanted - "The prime motive was the desire of a tale-teller to try his hand at a really long story that would hold the attention of readers, amuse them, delight them, and at times maybe excite them or deeply move them" (J.R.R. Tolkien, Forward in TLotR).

...

I do not, however, recommend having flu-like symptoms for three days and then the common cold for three days more.

Nothing ever changes Him...

God exhorted me to continue striving to do good (His grace always at constant work, to be sure, and the presence of the Holy Spirit the only power.) But how I wish it would not have to be a "striving." And He took me to Romans 8: "There is therefore now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus." I must live by the Spirit. Yield my soul, life, and all to Him. Live by faith in the Son of God who gave Himself up for me... and be thankful.

I am thankful for...
...a family that takes care of me, gives me a roof over my head, food in my belly, and many other amenities and blessings.
...the softest kitty in the whole world who will sleep with me and let me force-cuddle her.
...a piano.
...prayer and love support from my church family.
...my own room and precious quilts that I love.
...good books.
...clean, warm water to take showers and baths.
...a car for some "freedom".
...a plethora of other undeserved blessings - Lord, you are so kind!

But even if this list was void, wouldn't He Himself be enough? Enough peace and hope...to continue living by faith... and, out of gratitude, seeking to obey through His power.

"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, 'Naked I come from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed, be the name of the Lord.' In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong." Job 1:20-22

May it be said of me.

Nothing ever changes Him... nothing.

it's foggy and my pace is getting slower...